Secret Mum Movie review – Beauty and the Beast (Mums and Bubs session)

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Who’s bloody idea was this? Oh damn, that’s right, it was mine.

I was pretty darn excited to be heading off to my first movie in well over a year, so I hadn’t even really considered whether it would be any good, or the fact it was a musical (which I generally hate), let alone the logistics of taking a newly mobile 8 month old baby who if I’d thought about it, has never really been happy sitting still for longer than two minutes…

The danger signs were there as we queued to get into the theatre at Sylvia Park. Management (two middle aged men) had grossly underestimated the level of interest Mums and Bubs had in the screening, and were heard shouting at each other “there’s over 300 prams in there, there’s no room”. We had to park out prams in a “party room”, which is where I made my first mistake.

Never let yourself get separated from your pram and/or nappy bag.

I was “naked”, and grossly unprepared for what came next. I should have known to always have on my person at least one set of plastic rings and some crushed Baby Mum Mums, those beautiful rusks which have been known to buy me at least a minutes silence at even the worst of times.

My friend’s babies seemed to enjoy the experience. They sat quietly either in their mother’s arms, or at their feet, playing with the toys their loving mothers had remembered to bring in with them. My baby starting making a low whimper about when the lights went down, which turned into a movie length elongated whiney cry. She then became as slippery as a wet otter, twisting and wriggling demanding to be put on the ground,  crying when she was.

The image of her sucking on the arm rest (which I let her do as it least it made her quiet) haunted me in the days to come when she developed projectile vomiting, and the whatever the equivalent is from the other end.

We nearly made it to the end of the movie, and were actually pacing up and down the ramp, one of us roaring with tears with a full code brown nappy, as the Beast threatened to transform. I made my miserable baby stay on, determined to see what sort of ridiculous creature the Beast would turn into – and wasn’t disappointed – a flash of beautiful, shoulder length hair was briefly visible behind my screaming baby as he turned into some sort of tween Fabio, and with that we were off. I don’t know what happened next. One of the other mums said some other things transformed too, I was beyond caring at that stage.

Nothing against the movie which I’m sure was lots of fun if you like lots of singing, but I’m going to have a few years off before going to the movies again with my child.

Still it was good to get out ….

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